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Scripts For Sale 

"Ranger's Danger"

By John Burkhart

Some Excerpts: 

ROGER: Well Rick, the old line cabin looks just like we left it last fall.

RICK: Sure does, Roger.

ROGER: Looks like somebody has used some of the grub.

RICK. You think that pesky poacher has been here?

ROGER: Could be. There are plenty of signs around here.

RICK: What signs?

ROGER: Well, I noticed a small twig by the trail bent to the west and the prevailing wind is from the north.

RICK: Golly! I didn't see that!

ROGER: And I saw some running deer tracks which mean they were spooked by a human.

RICK: Golly! I guess I didn't see that either!

ROGER: And I noticed a spotted owl overhead, and they never fly in the daytime unless there are humans in the area.

RICK: Boy! You sure are observant! I wish I could read the signs of the forest like you can.

ROGER: You will in time. And while we're at it, you missed one other important clue.

RICK: Really? Gosh, I never saw any of those signs! Boy, I sure got a long way to go to get my sergeant's stripe like you! So what's the other clue?

ROGER: Did you notice that every tree within a mile of this cabin has been cut down?

RICK: No! (He looks out front door.) By golly, you're right! You know, I thought there was an awful lot of sunlight for a forest!


PHINEAS: Whew! That was close. Good thing for me they are so dumb! So! They are going north and south tomorrow! Well, I'll just have to go west and camp out til' they leave! Then I can come back here, get my trees and double back to the river and thence to the paper mill! Curses! That means those two goody-goody two shoes get the soft beds tonight and I'm stuck with a leaky tent and the hard ground. Sure hope it doesn't rain! Well, when I sell this last batch of trees, I'll rent the best room and the most comfortable bed in the best hotel in town. (He laughs furiously and starts to exit.) Oops! Someone's coming! I better go out the back way.

(PHINEAS exits.) (ELLA, DELLA and STELLA enter.)

ELLA: Hello! Anybody home? Well ladies, it looks like this cabin is deserted. We can spend the night in relative comfort.

STELLA: Well I for one am looking forward to a soft bed for a change. The ground is so hard and those sleeping bags are so thin.

DELLA: Really Stella, you are such a softy! We are supposed to be roughing it and you can't wait for an excuse to get a little comfort! What kind of Junior Jaybird are you, anyway?

STELLA: A better one than you! Didn't I chase that bear out of our camp last night while you ran screaming for help?

DELLA: I was not screaming! I was shouting for assistance. Just like it says to do in the Jaybird's Handbook. And besides, you didn't chase that bear away! He ran when he heard me yell.

STELLA: He ran because I was waving that firewood at him! And is that what you call shouting for assistance? Sounded more like screaming your lungs out, to me!

DELLA: I was not!

STELLA: You were too!

DELLA: Was not!

STELLA: Was too!

(SPUNKY enters from the back door and goes to the cupboard unnoticed by the women.)

ELLA: Ladies, ladies! Is that any way for Junior Jaybirds to behave? Why, if they heard you two carrying on like that at Junior Jaybird headquarters they would drum you both out of the organization! Stella, you go and see if there is any food in the cupboard. Della, you go and set the table. Now!

STELLA: (Heading for the cupboard and spying SPUNKY.) Oh look! DELLA: (Spying SPUNKY.) Oohh! A cute little animal! I wonder what it is? Isn't it cute!

(She joins STELLA at SPUNKY'S side and picks up the animal, petting him in the process.)

STELLA: (Grabbing SPUNKY from DELLA.) Let me see her. Ella, what type of animal do you think it is?

ELLA: I don't know.

DELLA: Would there be a picture of one in the handbook?

STELLA: There are nothing but birds in there.

DELLA: (Snatching SPUNKY from STELLA.) Don't be such a hog! Besides, I think I'll keep her for a pet.

STELLA: No, I will!

DELLA: No, me!

STELLA: Me!

DELLA: Me!

ELLA: That's enough, you two! (She takes the animal from DELLA.) What's the matter with you? You'll frighten the poor thing to death! I think it's a cat. And it looks hungry. (She puts SPUNKY down on the floor, gets some popcorn from the cupboard and puts some in a bowl.) There! Now, eat hearty, kitty. (To others.) Now, weren't we getting ready for supper?