Some Excerpts:

SNITLEY.  Ah, the coming of night. Look how the shadows fall upon the desolate countryside. Listen to the creatures of the night and their haunting song. (Laughs.) Who knows what evils and horrors a night, such as this, will bring.

(The Creeper, raising his arms, is now directly behind Snitley. Suddenly The Creeper roars.)

CREEPER.   Arghhh!!!

SNITLEY.   (Slowly turning.) Was that supposed to be funny?

GUMP.  (Pulling off his mask.) Well, I thought it was amusing.

SNITLEY.  I ... didn't. (Grabbing his ear and twisting his ear.) Try it again and I’ll hurt you.

GUMP.  If it makes you feel better, you’re hurting me now, sir.

SNITLEY.  This is discomfort. I'm talking pain. Clear?

GUMP.  Like fine crystal.

SNITLEY.  Is everything ready for Miss Crestwood's homecoming?

GUMP.  Everything ready, sir, checked and double checked.

SNITLEY.  Excellent!

GUMP.  Mr. Wormwood, I have a question.

SNITLEY.  What part of the plan have you failed to grasp?

GUMP.  Ahh ... pretty much all of it, sir.

SNITLEY.  (Aside.) You pay minimum wage, you get minimum wage. (To Gump.) Gump, my oddly named friend, the plan is quite simple. We are going to drive Kristine Crestwood, the only surviving heir to the Crestwood fortune, insane.

GUMP.  But why do we need all of the funny clothes?

SNITLEY.  All part of the plan, Gump. You see the Crestwood family has a dark legend, The Creeper of Crestwood. A horrible creature which stalks and strikes the Crestwood family from generation to generation.

GUMP.  Then why not just wait for this Creeper to take care of the girl?

SNITLEY.  Because it's just an old wives's tale, a story to frighten small children into eating their vegetables. Only we are going to bring the old legend to life for our own benefit.

GUMP.  That explains this get-up, but what about the women's clothes? (The answer strikes him.) Oh, no! No, sir, I will not dress up in women's clothes. I don't care what you offer me, or how you threaten me, I will not dress up like a woman.'

SNITLEY.  I'd never ask you to do such a thing. Besides, nobody would ever believe you were a woman anyway.'

GUMP.  Thanks.

SNITLEY.  Matter of fact, I have a hard time believing you'e a man. Now, back to business. Then we will convince young Kristine The Creeper of Crestwood is stalking her.

GUMP.  But only she will be able to see the creature.

SNITLEY.  Precisely right!

GUMP.  Isn't there an easier way of getting rid of her?

SNITLEY.  Getting rid of her for good would be too big a risk even for me.

GUMP.  What if you married her? Then you'd own half of everything she owned.

SNITLEY.  Because I want it all!

GUMP.  And I suppose your fiancee wouldn't really approve of the marriage.

SNITLEY.  Exactly. Now then, once the girl is safely committed to an asylum I’ll be able to spend the Crestwood family fortune as I see fit.

GUMP.  I thought you were already pretty much doing that, sir.

SNITLEY.  Yes, yes I am. But without the girl around I won't have to worry about getting caught, will I?

GUMP. So that's why you sent all of the housekeeping staff away for the weekend.

---

MRS. WATT.  If you shall excuse me ... I must prepare the evening meal.

KRISTINE.  Of course, Mrs. Watt.

(Mrs. Watt begins to exit.)

SNITLEY.  You young ladies certainly do brighten up this old tomb.

MRS. WATT.  Old tomb? A very unfortunate choice of vords, Herr Vermvood. This old house has been the stage for many a horrible play.

SNITLEY.  Mrs. Watt, you aren't going to bore us with old stories about The Creeper are you?

BITSY.  Ohh, The Creeper! Tell us, Mrs. Watt, tell us all about him.

MRS. WATT.  The tales of The Creeper are not boring old stories, nor are they the ghost stories to frighten young ladies at the slumber parties.

SNITLEY.  Kristine, have no fear. The Creeper is only an old ghost story passed down through the years.

KRISTINE.  No, no it’s much more than that.

MRS. WATT.  Two hundred years ago Anton Crestvood, the pirate, built this house with the blood money of his many voyages.

KRISTINE.  The story is that Captain Crestwood came here because he was running away from The Creeper.

SNITLEY.  Yes, yes, yes. And as the story goes The Creeper is a beast sent to Earth to make the Crestwood family pay for the crimes Anton committed against his fellow man.

MRS. WATT.  Ja. From the darkest ocean it comes on the darkest of nights.

BITSY.  A night like this? How exciting!

SNITLEY.  But it must be a dark and stormy night.

KRISTINE.  Thank heavens there isn't a cloud in the sky.

(Sudden rolling of thunder.)

BITSY.  I'm not sure I like the sound of that.

MRS. WATT.  Nor do I. It is said The Creeper strikes upon nights like this. Anton Crestvood was carried away on a night such as this. The Creeper dragged him screaming for mercy into the night.

KRISTINE.  When he vas found the next morning, miles away from the house, he vas ghostly white. On his face was an expression of stark terror.

SNITLEY.  Nonsense! The Creeper is only ... only as real as you wish to make him.

MRS. WATT.  This is true.

KRISTINE.  It is?

MRS. WATT.  Ja. The Creeper is real only to those who have no heart and an emptiness where their soul should be.

SNITLEY.  Mrs. Watt, enough of this. You are frightening the young ladies. Perhaps you should show them to their rooms.

KRISTINE.  I think I can find our rooms.

SNITLEY.  Perhaps Mrs. Watt might show Miss Caprice her room and allow Miss Crestwood and I a chance to speak.

MRS. WATT.  Very well. This vay young lady.

BITSY.   Lead on McDuff.

MRS.  WATT. Watt. (She exits.)

BITSY. Don't start.